Calling All Eligible Bachelors…
Harvard has its own Mr. Harvard Freshman. Yale has a “Crush of the Week”. But where is the list of date-worthy Stanford boys?
As a single girl at Stanford, I am often left wondering where are all of the smart and charismatic boys here on campus. Sure, you can find boys at fraternity parties, but let’s be honest. The majority of them are drunk and searching for a one-night stand. If that is what you are into, then by all means, search for you next special someone at Kappa Sig’s new “MID Lounge.” Although classes are an easy way to meet new individuals, I would rather spend my time trying to understand the spending allocation model than making small talk with the cute boy sitting next to me. It appears like the dating life here at Stanford is pretty dead. Most of us over-achieving young adults seem to give up on relationships in order to make room for extracurricular and classes.
Now, I am not advocating for Stanford to create its own website highlighting attractive bachelors on campus. Just because Yale and Harvard do something is by no means a justification for Stanford to do it as well. Take a look at Yale’s horribly self-righteous new admissions video. The articles are chuckle-worthy, yet I cannot help but feel as if I am reading a cheap rip-off of Cosmopolitan’s “Bachelor of the Year”.
I propose that all of you single, charming, and intelligent boys here on campus should step up your game. Ask for a girl’s number, offer to buy her coffee, or invite her to the Westboro Baptist Church protest this Friday. Valentine’s Day is coming soon and I have no doubt that are plenty of single ladies roaming the Farm.
Dating at Stanford is not really “dead,” but simply operates in a different (and arguably less effective or less pleasing) way.
Clearly you want Stanford men (and women) to adhere to the more traditional dating formula: a man becomes interested in a new, unknown woman, he boldly decides to engage her, (ideally) charms her, gets her number, calls her, they go on a date and perhaps begin dating.
And in the more atomized post-collegiate urban jungle of SF or DC or NYC, the above formula is, indeed, how dating works. Young men and women meet new potential mates at happy hours, cafes, bookstores, parties, etc. They exchange information. They go to restaurants, etc. It is a NECESSARILY proactive process.
But at Stanford, where students have firmly rooted social networks, this is not how dating usually operates. Instead, students find mates through social networks: dorms, students club, Greek events, classes, etc.
Most Stanford students simply don’t need (or don’t want) to be proactive about dating. (Proactive in the sense that they go out of their way to find new people to date.) Instead, Stanford students date people that are among their friends, dorms, student groups, etc. Usually, potential mates COME TO them, they do not GO TO the potential mate. This is why “dormcest” is so rampant.
Indeed, with little time to spare, most Stanford students willfully buy into this “convenience dating” model. Few Stanford students want to spend the energy of arranging dates, going to them, etc when they can just grab dinner at the dining hall with that cute guy/girl from their hallway. (Though, is that considered a date in your mind? Not in mine.)
Moreover, post-collegiate dating is based on going places together (bars, restaurants, museums, events) and Stanford dating is not. Stanford is too much of a bubble to operate this way. On-campus events don’t really have the same appeal and Palo Alto is far without a car. Overall, dating off-campus is inconvenient.
Also, many Stanford guys and girls come into Stanford without dating experience and do not know where to begin. It takes several years of awkward learning (drunken stupidity, missed connections, relationships put off in order to have more study time) before most Stanford students hit any sort of stride.
There are, of course, many exceptions to my observations. But I do feel there is a Stanford undergrad dating status quo: a lack of pro-activeness that leads to passive, “convenience dating” behavior.
Sorry, one more thought:
Is Stanford’s passive dating scene the fault of men, as you so obviously believe?
Largely, yes. If a motivated, socially competent Stanford man asked for female phone number at the CoHo, he would eventually get one.
But women also bare some responsibility. Many Stanford women do not seem particularly open to being approached (body language, attitude), perhaps out of shyness or inexperience. You yourself admit to being like this in class:
Many Stanford girls are basically this way all the time.
Men may be intimidated or discouraged by how busy Stanford tend to be. Even a man’s most nobly proactive effort will often lose out to midterms, senior thesis, leaving to study abroad, Dance Marathon planning and triathlon team.